Setting healthy boundaries is essential in every aspect of life, and especially in one’s career. Without them, professionals are likely to find themselves overwhelmed, stretched too thin and struggling with one facet of life or another.
Fortunately, there are effective ways to set boundaries while still fulfilling your obligations and meeting the needs of yourself and those around you.
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Many of us still put other’s needs above our own. Setting boundaries helps to honour what we actually want and need, and is an amazing way to show ourselves kindness and respect.
Boundaries are essential to our wellbeing. You can think of them as the ultimate act of self-care. Here are some tips to get started with setting boundaries.
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But first, what are boundaries?
Boundaries are the limits you put in place with those around you. They could look like leaving work on time, telling your family to call ahead before coming over, or not exchanging social media passwords with your partner.
Boundaries are limits that you uphold and ask others not to cross. They help us to have healthy relationships with work, family, friends and partners.
You have the right to be respected and to set reasonable boundaries that prioritise your health and wellbeing. It can feel uncomfortable to enforce boundaries with the people you care about but remember, you set them for a reason.
There is nothing wrong or flawed about having trouble setting boundaries. It takes a lot of work to change our conditioning. For more support with setting boundaries, you could speak with a psychologist or counsellor, or read some self-help books.
Setting robust and healthy boundaries with the people in your life does not happen overnight. So go easy on yourself and be patient and kind as you learn how to set boundaries that support your mental health and wellbeing.
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Learn How to Say No
Setting boundaries at work means you have to stop saying yes to everything. Even if you make your availability clear, people might still ask for “just a little favor,” expect you to attend every outing after work, or want you to make an exception just for them.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with going above and beyond your job description and bonding with coworkers—you want to be known as someone who is willing to take on challenges and help others. But there’s also nothing wrong with saying no and meaning it—especially if it’s to the point that your own projects, work-life balance, or stress level is suffering. Here are a few diplomatic ways to say no:
- Don’t get roped into extra projects. Learning to guide and collaborate with the people you work with can help you be assertive without sabotaging your career. Be clear about your time allocations with other coworkers. Instead of automatically saying yes, suggest that they have to clear the request with your manager first. You can say, “Thanks for inviting me to work on that project, however, I have this deadline with our CFO and I can’t tackle that right now. If you really need my input, you’ll have to check with my boss.”
- Learn to say no to your manager graciously. It’s hard to say no to a superior—you don’t want to be insubordinate. But sometimes he or she may ask for more than your current workload or skill set will allow. Saying, “I don’t think I’m the right fit for this project right now because of XYZ” is better than taking something on that you don’t think you can handle. Perhaps you don’t have the bandwidth, knowledge, or expertise to help them out. Regardless, you’re not the person to help make their idea a success, and you don’t want to disappoint them. The key is to be polite, honest, and direct.
- Get out of after-hours invites. It is important to do some professional socializing to build relationships, but don’t feel pressured to attend every single happy hour, birthday bash (unless it’s your manager’s), or bowling night. It’s OK to decline, especially if there are frequent invitations. Whether you’ve got other plans or just want to go home and unwind, your off-work hours are your own.
- Offer solutions with your “no.” Just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should if it’s not truly your area of expertise. When saying no to someone, refer them to another person who is better suited to help. That way, you’re still providing assistance, even if it is indirectly.
As long as you work hard and help others when you’re able, people will begin to respect your boundaries when you do have to politely decline.
‘No’ is a full sentence. Your boundary doesn’t require an explanation.
You can say no to after-work drinks without explaining why. You have the right to say no without providing an excuse or justification. ‘No’ is a full sentence.
You are not responsible for how others feel about your boundaries
Oftentimes, boundaries will be understood and accepted. In other cases, they may be seen as a personal attack. A person may become defensive or whinge about this new change.
You are not responsible for the way someone reacts to your boundaries and you also have no control over how they will respond. It can however be beneficial to set a boundary with someone when they are having a good day so they are more receptive to hear what you are saying.
Stick to your boundaries
It can feel uncomfortable to enforce boundaries. Especially when someone hasn’t responded to your boundary positively. Remember, you set your boundaries for a reason, whether it be to preserve a friendship, protect your mental health, or conserve your energy. The discomfort will pass and you will be grateful you set boundaries that prioritise your wellbeing.
Setting boundaries is an ongoing process.
Going through life, you may find the need to set new boundaries. For example, you might start a new job and enjoy spending your lunch breaks with colleagues. But after a few months, you might decide it’s healthier to take some lunch breaks alone. This is okay.
Many new parents experience drastic changes to their lives after having children. This can require new boundaries like asking family members not to pop around unannounced to see the baby. The wonderful thing about becoming a new parent is witnessing how strong children’s boundaries are – boundaries are innate to them. Children will communicate yes or no without hesitation. They will communicate if they do not want to eat something or hug a family member. The best thing we can do as parents is to ensure children grow up ‘in tune’ with their wants and needs. This will help them to have health boundaries growing up.
What happens when boundaries are crossed?
It’s up to you to decide what happens when someone crosses your boundaries. You can ask them not to do it again. You may tell them that if they violate your boundary again, you will need to take time away from the relationship.
It is also valid and reasonable to end a relationship where boundaries are repeatedly violated.
You have the right to be respected and to set reasonable boundaries that prioritise your health and wellbeing. It can feel uncomfortable to enforce boundaries with the people you care about but remember, you set them for a reason.
There is nothing wrong or flawed about having trouble setting boundaries. It takes a lot of work to change our conditioning. For more support with setting boundaries, you could speak with a psychologist or counsellor, or read some self-help books.
Setting robust and healthy boundaries with the people in your life does not happen overnight. So go easy on yourself and be patient and kind as you learn how to set boundaries that support your mental health and wellbeing.
Advocate for Yourself
Setting boundaries at work with your boss and colleagues is a major step toward establishing a healthy work-life balance. Ideally, you will work with people who respect your boundaries and know when they’re asking too much of you. But sometimes, you might have to alert them to your limits. Could you use some help stiffening your backbone? When you contact us here, we can send you workplace etiquette, career advice, and job search tips straight to your inbox to help you navigate the trickier parts of working a job.